Blast to the Future-Past: Coattails and Gigantic Scary Hats

Who doesn't see this view on an average day? (Via Flickr)

Now that it's 2011, I thought it would be nice to look at the past decade's wonderful inventions and celebrations, such as our individual blimps and world-encompassing coasters that carry us quickly and safely to our destinations. Also, let's not forget those crazy flower festivals where we all get plastered and try to knock eachother off our car-planes with handfuls of petals while dressed as flashy deep-sea divers.

The Festival of Flowers, causing pleasantly fragrant and colorful deaths since 1999.

And who could forget the brain-wash-o-trons from elementary school? Oh, it seems like just yesterday we were all strapped in front of a textbook as the teacher walked around the seats, pressing a button on our helmets sending those delightful cancer-causing electrical signals straight into our cerebral cortices. Hey, no pain no gain, right?

Thomas always operated the Subject-o-matic machine. He loved hearing the children's screams as the newly liquefied books seeped into their brains through the small holes drilled behind each ear. It was rewarding work.

Wait-- you didn't do all that stuff? Huh, maybe I should go outside every once in a while. Judging from the Villemard postcards from 1910, that's the stuff we've been up to since 2000. I tell you, if I lived the life I see in these pictures, it would be so much more exciting than the 15 hours a day I spend staring at the internet. Everyone would be more exciting if we took some inspiration about what our past should have been like from these pictures. I mean, look at what people usually do for Festival of Flowers these days.

Really? We can't have anything exciting like performing dangerous aerial stunts while hanging on for dear life, without seatbelt or a roof or anything like a oh-shit safety handle, tossing petals like they're hand grenades? I bet those flower floats can't even hit 35 mph. Seriously, this Villemard guy had all the right ideas if you ask me.

(Via Flickr)